Tuesday, September 05, 2006

(Ross) SCENE 5: how i endure?

Day 6

Alack these days and the vicious lugubriosity that toils unremittingly to numb mine quivering breast,
Behold Malcontent, behold Disquiet; see the twain lay siege to mine kingdom with fortitude and zest,
Wanton, unabashed thievery practised in these here great halls hath staked dominion o’er faculty and wit,
Merriment and Joy, now abductees, dwell in dungeons, whilst Pleasure’s bounties art both exiled and forfeit.

‘Twas but near three score and some days ago that two industrious men of gentle and inebriated kind,
Sought to set to right the follies borne from misguided learnings and injudicious teachings of mind,
Brewing a literary elixir as cure for rampant philistinism, to bring chaotic order and the indifference of man to destroy,
Yet chiefly to tame the vociferous yearnings of unsettled minds then with no productive employ.

Wherefore this handsome duo failed in task can none with surety say,
Divided, one transcended, whilst t’other wandered hopelessly astray,
And while the former shed a tear on that fateful valedictory day,
The latter remained in jovial spirit, intransigent and very gay.

Solace then extended merciful palms and offered forth respite,
She dabbed mine eye, caressed mine brow, brought answer to mine plight,
‘Immerse thyself in letter and word,’ quoth she, ‘Therein find thine imbued might,
‘This counsel to thee I readily bequeath, let blindness be thy sight.’

Thenceforth did yen for regained kindredship lose sting, through transformation from wordless pauper to most high literary King,
Comma and Apostrophe bewitch with fine, curvaceous splendour, whilst Ellipsis, Dash and Colon halt midway with passionate, loving tender,
Such were mine brethr’n—powerful allies whom none could depose: Without them would I have fallen asunder…as would this line of prose.
Alas, sweet reprieve, thine deceiving vision did fail to hold mine gaze; super-ego and id then took toll on mind after some days.

If all truth be here known, mine mind, it did rebel, and from heavenly bliss was I thrusted into the vast shallowy depths of hell,
Hold the lie could I no longer, t’was then made crystal clear, language held no real beauty; not whilst I alone could hear,
Ere now was there but one lone soul who’d listen and take heed, others spake expletives and threatened with sordid deed,
In olde times yore did one stay true, oft preserving mine health and state; now I seek to reconcile with he that once saved me from a most miserable fate...

...man, i sure need that jive-ass mofo.


Blogger Wanderlusting said...

You are the prettiest eye-patched, hairy-chested, Queen-worshiping Cinderella that I have ever seen.

Does that make me a lesbian?

11:22 AM  
Anonymous Janelle said...

Umm, seeing as you're so good with words, could you please review my cover letter for me Ross?

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I
can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole
really seam to respond to me well.
I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job
thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you
want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.



9:52 PM  
Blogger almost famous kiwi said...

Hang on a minute, is that Karinas Cinderella dress from Halloween 2004.....Im wondering who looks better.....I guess it depends on whether or not you have a vodka bottle strapped to your leg by your garter.....oh yes, Karina straps alcohol bottles to her legs all the time. Beware of that Ross!

12:10 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

Ross actually stole my garter belt, but don't worry, his mum bought me a new one. I'm wearing it as I type this, but because I have the flu, it's a bottle of NyQuil strapped to me leg.

9:22 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

A sign that Ross has taken a turn for the worse without Jeff:

According to the radio, a streaker delighted people at the 22nd Street Skytrain Station at about 8:30 this morning.

Ross, I don't care how late you are for work. There is always enough time to put on your clothes.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

Everyone will be thrilled to know I finally got my own blog. I can't figure out how to upload pictures for my profile. I'm unable to think right now. Anyways, don't read it unless you have absolutely nothing better to do. Trust me.

10:32 AM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...


The minute you let Jeff and/or Ross that you have a blog, your life will change forever, Janelle.

That said, Jeff is pretty crap at terrorizing people on their blogs.

Come on Jeff! Up the ante.

12:59 PM  
Blogger jeff and ross said...

His ante's busy shaving me tonight.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

Oh good, a refreshing shaving joke for a change.

I thought you might have commented on putting something up your ante, but I'm glad you didn't. That pearl necklace remark was quite enough.

1:52 PM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

Just knowing Jeff has changed my life forever...let's just say it's been for the better and leave it at that. No one can do Kevin Bacon circa Flashdance quite like Jeffery...

2:06 PM  
Blogger jeff and ross said...

IT'S FUCKING FOOTLOOSE!!!!! FOOTLOOSE!!!! You might as well just have said Turner and Hootch!!!

2:12 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

Uh oh...someone deleted a comment.

I bet Jeff made a remark about shaving Ross's mum's chest and a pearl necklace.

Shame on you Jeff!!! Ross's mum is the sweetest thing. But I guess you already know that.

2:14 PM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

Hahahaha whooooops. I keep forgetting, Ross is Flashdance. Sorry. Hahaha Turner and Hooch. Aaah...hahahaha.

I'm a terrible person.

2:16 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

That movie makes me cry

2:22 PM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

Ok, I just lied to a client and told her I couldn't take her out this afternoon due to illness. The truth of the matter is, I can't stay away from this damned computer. Damn you all...damn you all to that wall in that movie with Jim Carey...that wall that is at the end of his ocean. God that wall makes me angry. Damn you to there.

2:45 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

Can a person get banned from Blogger? Because we could make that our life's goal.

2:56 PM  
Blogger jeff and ross said...

I'd ban Kevin Bacon.

3:19 PM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

I think we probably could...I'm sure we could also get fired if anyone caught wind of how we are using our days. I'm so into the comment wars that I'm drinking applesauce right out of the container.

3:19 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

My co-workers are looking over my shoulder as I write this.

Jeff, they think you are hot.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

I'd ban all things Danny Glover. God I hate him...I'm pissed off now...why is it that as soon as things start looking up for me, Danny Glover crosses my mind. He ruins EVERYTHING.

3:28 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

Wasn't he in Gremlins?

3:30 PM  
Blogger jeff and ross said...

Tell the boys to get back to their video games.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

I just remembered that I have to work my second job tonight...I'm having a mini panic attack because we don't have internet access there...how will I be able to access this site without internet? Maybe I should just quit both of my jobs.

3:33 PM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

Hey Jeff...I heard you got your hair cut and that you look fantabulous!! That's my attractive high-school and beyond friend!!

9:55 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

Yeah, well, with Ross constantly fawning over him, I would say this new haircut has gone to his head.

Hmmm, that was almost a pun.

11:00 AM  
Anonymous Today at the Office said...

what the hell??? wtf?

hate your job? visit http://www.todayattheoffice.com and tell the world about it.

6:49 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

No...but I hate you.

9:31 AM  
Blogger WeeHopper said...

Is that a pink dress??

2:57 AM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

Why the hell arent there any new postings on here? I get shit from you for it, but you don't even bother TRYING!?!?!

I hate you.

11:01 AM  
Blogger jeff and ross said...

Yeah that's my fault, though I'm going to blame Jeff. Lazy tosser. Next post coming very soon though.

11:51 AM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

It better be soon Ross...or I'll hunt you down and make out with your mom.

5:26 PM  
Blogger jeff and ross said...

(Jeff's mum)
After all we've been through, you...you little harlot!

4:01 PM  
Blogger jeff and ross said...

(Jeff's dad)
Soon I will kill you all.

4:02 PM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

Oh look a new post...no wait, it's the same old one.

Lies. You both are full of lies.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Janellerific said...

*yawn* by the beard of zeuse!! When will we get something new to read...I'm tired of always giving giving giving and never getting anything back in return.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Wanderlusting said...

I'm with Janelle.

There is no magical last post, is there?

It was all a piece of wool that should have been stuck in our ears at the end of a Q-tip but instead was pulled over our eyes.

5:51 PM  
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