Q and a intermission
(Ross):
Not many people know it, but Jeff and I are considered as nothing short of sages in some cultures. Sacred, too. Or is it scared? I can never remember. Anyhow we thought we might open a question/ answer forum on our blog in an effort to make the world a better place through wisdom and learning. So drop us a line with any question about any topic and let Jeff and I help end the ignorance that is crippling humanity’s efforts towards oneness.
(Jeff):
We think that opening the floor to people is the best way to get the issues to the forefront. If you have any questions at all about this crazy world we live in we might be able to help you learn something new. I know that it’s usually difficult to get the ice broken and the conversation really flowing so I’ll start it off for everybody.
Hey Ross, I was just in the washroom and I had a nosebleed and almost passed out due to the horrendous stench that was coming from the litter box because some prick is too lazy to clean the thing out. Now, I’m wondering why I feel like I have toxoplasmosis and how slowly will it kill me?
(Ross):
Well, Jeff, thanks for your question and for phrasing it so delicately. In answer to your question, I will refer you to The Simpsons, where Ralph Wiggum solves the bleeding nose conundrum simply by keeping his fingers out of there. As for the horrendous stench, if you were a smoker and had no sense of smell, then your problem would be solved and maybe I wouldn’t have to freeze my nuts off every time I’m exiled out the backdoor and into the Vancouver gales before I spark one up. And though death may come to us all, yours might be sooner than you might imagine.
My question to you is: Is it a sign of some supernatural activity that the majority of my groceries have disappeared from the fridge? And are the munching sounds I hear late at night something I should be concerned about?
(Jeff):
Well, Ross. Unfortunately the disappearance of your food is neither supernatural nor due to my appetite for raw onions and baby formula. I would indulge myself if it wasn’t for my chronic symptoms of vertigo and nausea, although, I have been taking your food outside and throwing it in the trash. As for the sounds at night, mind your own goddamn business.
See folks, it’s just that easy. Send us your questions in the comment section and we’ll answer them as best we can.
Not many people know it, but Jeff and I are considered as nothing short of sages in some cultures. Sacred, too. Or is it scared? I can never remember. Anyhow we thought we might open a question/ answer forum on our blog in an effort to make the world a better place through wisdom and learning. So drop us a line with any question about any topic and let Jeff and I help end the ignorance that is crippling humanity’s efforts towards oneness.
(Jeff):
We think that opening the floor to people is the best way to get the issues to the forefront. If you have any questions at all about this crazy world we live in we might be able to help you learn something new. I know that it’s usually difficult to get the ice broken and the conversation really flowing so I’ll start it off for everybody.
Hey Ross, I was just in the washroom and I had a nosebleed and almost passed out due to the horrendous stench that was coming from the litter box because some prick is too lazy to clean the thing out. Now, I’m wondering why I feel like I have toxoplasmosis and how slowly will it kill me?
(Ross):
Well, Jeff, thanks for your question and for phrasing it so delicately. In answer to your question, I will refer you to The Simpsons, where Ralph Wiggum solves the bleeding nose conundrum simply by keeping his fingers out of there. As for the horrendous stench, if you were a smoker and had no sense of smell, then your problem would be solved and maybe I wouldn’t have to freeze my nuts off every time I’m exiled out the backdoor and into the Vancouver gales before I spark one up. And though death may come to us all, yours might be sooner than you might imagine.
My question to you is: Is it a sign of some supernatural activity that the majority of my groceries have disappeared from the fridge? And are the munching sounds I hear late at night something I should be concerned about?
(Jeff):
Well, Ross. Unfortunately the disappearance of your food is neither supernatural nor due to my appetite for raw onions and baby formula. I would indulge myself if it wasn’t for my chronic symptoms of vertigo and nausea, although, I have been taking your food outside and throwing it in the trash. As for the sounds at night, mind your own goddamn business.
See folks, it’s just that easy. Send us your questions in the comment section and we’ll answer them as best we can.
posted by jeff and ross | 11:09 PM
16 Comments:
Can you do a social commentary on the word: "Swell"?...
because I don't think that word gets used as much as it should.
(Ross)
If being a swell and qualified journalist doesn't give license to make bad puns and generally screw around with the language, i'm going to revert to my initial dream vocation of bikini waxer with my rough but tender tongue.
(Jeff)
Hmmmm these are two very interesting topics. To answer your question Ms Anonymous, I agree, swell isn’t used that frequently in everyday conversation, and to distract you from the fact that I can’t come up with any real answer I will recite the proper definition from the dictionary.
Swell (Ssss-well): Distinguished, of good standing, to expand or bulge.
As for the Badger, yes you are also correct: We are extremely incorrect. But bare in mind that we are generally confused half the time, especially when dealing with the fascist restrictions of language. I should also mentioned that I just learned how use the computer’s keyboard.
I have a question!
I've come to realize that the copious breeding habits of the Native-American are increasing. If at the rate of speed in productivity will they become the dominant race, thus making us the minority?
(Jeff)
Well, unless you’re General Custer I don’t think it’s an issue if the majority no longer has blondhair and blue eyes. As for thinking like this as the return of the Third Reich, I would try and read a history book pre-John Cabot. Believe me, bigotry isn’t the title of any chapter.
(Ross)
Well anonymous contributor, I'm just thankful that bigots and ignorant fuckheads(and i think you might qualify for both titles) are in the minority and long may it stay that way. And personally I'd appreciate it if you never read this blog again coz i donts got no time for yous redneck types.
We are all one people under God's eye..so you can take your racial comments to the moon, dear anonymous!
It's not so much anonymous' question that perturbs me, but the way in which it is phrased. Words like "copious" and "breeding habits" conjur up images of animals that have litters of offspring. Before I form a judgement on this question I would like to know if anonymous is just oblivious to the ways of rhetoric or just plain oblivious.
i like animals that have offspring, copiously!
hmmm...I think I have reached a conclusion about Anonymous. This is a hemaphroditic individual who may well have Down Syndrome. It is also conceivable that he/she tortures small animals and fantasizes about making love to sheep and would likely make love to sheep if he/she could find out how the process worked.
Now I would like to pose a question that could possible place me in the same category as anonymous. Would you rather: a)Have sexual relations for 5 hrs. with a man who had a sex change, or b) Have sex with your long lost first cousin who is also a bathing suit model? It is assumed in either scenario that you would know of this person's special features/relation to you before you had your encounter.
(Ross)
Hmmm..does either the man or the cousin have a moustache, and if so, is it like a Burt Reynolds one or a Charlie Chaplin one? And you both disgust me.
(Jeff)
Whoa! Hold on a minute! What magazines has this cousin been posing for? Are we talking Sears Catalogue or Gun Club Monthly?Hmmmmmm. I'd have to say sex whith Burt Reynolds. Wait, what was the question?
(Ross)
Well, if Jeff's getting Reynolds, i get Selleck. S'only fair.
(Jeff)
I will trade your Selleck for one Wilfred Brimley!
(Ross)
Throw in a couple (or three) of those swollen rice cakes of yours (the ones that John Glover likes so much) and we'll talk.
(Jeff)
YOU LEAVE GLOVER OUT OF THIS!!!!
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